There is an English saying that «Rules are made to be broken, but traditions are to be kept». This could easily be a Kyrgyz motto — especially when it comes to traditions associated with age.
Toi. There are several occasions when it is traditional to hold a party to mark some milestone in the child«s life — like a birthday party — called a «Toi». The dictionary translates this word as «feast» — or as «satisfy one’s hunger».
The «appearance» after forty days of seclusion: The newborn infant is kept in seclusion for forty days.
Koroonduk. When neighbours, friends and relatives see a new born
baby for the first time then they traditionally give a monetary gift to
the parents. The word comes from the Kyrgyz word «to see».
Cutting the Binds. After the child«s first steps the legs are bound —
then a party is held with races. The winner then cuts the binds around the
child»s legs.
Circumcision. Male children are circumcised at age eight.
Respect for elders. The Japanese have a national holiday «Respect
for the Elderly» - perhaps this would be a good holiday for the Kyrgyz as
they have a strong tradition of respect for their elders. In Soviet times
there is a «Parents» Day«which is still marked - but not universally, it
is not an official holiday.
Traditionally, there is a definite hierarchy of weddings. The eldest
son has to take a bride before his younger brothers can. The youngest son
has to wait for all of his elder brothers to get married before he can
attend his own wedding. Although this tradition is sometimes short-circuited
it is more usual for it to be honoured than to be breached.
According to Kyrgyz tradition, it is the responsibility of the youngest
son to take care of his parents. The older brothers may marry and move away
from home to establish their own households - traditionally they were given
a yurt of their own to start their married life - but not the youngest son,
who stayed with his parents and inherited their yurt. Sometimes the parents
decide it is not necessary - but this extension of the general tradition
or respect - where youth acknowledges and respects its elders - which is
so firmly entrenched in the local psyche that it is rarely defied.
Ala Kachuu - Bride Stealing : One aspect of Kyrgyz Culture which
has come to the attention of the West is the practice of Ala Kachuu - or
«Bride Stealing».
It appears that this tradition stems from the times of nomadic culture
and lifestyle of the past where people were constantly on the move from
one pasture (jailio) to another. (It is also found in Kazakh traditions
- but not in Uzbek or Uighur - both sedentary cuktures).
Ala Kachuu is technically illegal, punishable by two years imprisonment
- and was for the whole of the Soviet period, but this does not seem to have
wiped out the practice. Very few families bring charges and the practice
still seems to be accepted in the more remote rural districts and is even
said to be on the increase.
A young Kyrgyz man simply has to carry off their chosen bride, cross
the threshold of their home where the mother would place a scarf over the
head of the «unsuspecting» girl who was then considered married.
Because sometimes the couple have made a prior agreement, Westerners,
when they first hear about the custom think it is similar to an elopement
- like running off to Gretna Green - but it is possible that the couple never
to have even spoken to each other. Sometimes the couples have never even
met - as in an «arranged marriage», the parents of the couple have come
to an agreement
For the girl to then run away home was considered a great disgrace and
even even their own parents often shun girls who do so and as a result,
many «stolen brides» accept their fate.
Stealing his bride, however, does not excuse the groom from paying «kalym»
(«bride price») - a dowry to the girl«s family - usually in the form of
livestock, (sheep, horses, cattle), but other articles are also given. According
to one source - the price of a bride can be as much as five horses - but
a lot may depend upon the status of the relative families. He also has to
pay for the weeding ceremony. (In sedentary societies - Uzbek and Uighur
- it is usually the bride’s family that pay the dowry to the husband).
The couples still have to register the marriage or the bride has limited
rights as a «common law wife» - but not all do so.